不明显

Sometimes I wonder. It sometimes feels like a strange movie, you know, it's all so weird that sometimes I wonder if it is really happening. Sometimes I wonder if I'm in my right mind. Sometimes I wonder if the lessons in life will ever stop but then why would you want to remain ignorant? I know that some of the things which happen in these stories are not likely, but sometimes I wonder if they are not possible in some way. Sometimes I'm scared and I fall. I'm afraid. I was afraid of being rejected, yes. I was also afraid of being accepted for the wrong reasons. I thought that if I owned nothing, had nothing, was nothing, I would have nothing left to lose, and I wouldn't be scared anymore. Because my whole life I’ve been so damn scared. Scared to live because I was scared to die. But at the same I was so scared of living, so I wanted to die. Or maybe so scared of dying that I refused to live. You don't have to be afraid to fall when you're already on the ground. You don't have to be scared to lose someone when there's no one around to lose. It has always seemed that a fear of judgment is the mark of guilt and the burden of insecurity. Sometimes, before even attempting to achieve something we feel afraid because we don’t know what will be the result of our efforts. We don’t know whether we will go all the way or whether dissatisfaction with the results would make us abandon our goals midway.  I’ve learned anything from my past and my present, it’s the power of fear. Oh well, being creative is not being afraid of being lost. It's time to pick up everything and reset all over again.